Museum of Fine Arts, only till midnight

Last night, I caught the 6 bus to Comm Ave. He met me at the stop; it was much warmer than I expected, but still cold enough to wear a jacket. We walked past the brick buildings. We ate cookies. On our way out, I almost forgot my purse on his couch, then we hopped on the T. It felt like no one had ever existed till now, and every person on the planet stood by us, holding onto railings so they wouldn't fall. We got lost; I laughed hard at him, he stopped my laugh with a kiss. We entered the museum, hand in hand. Barely containing myself, I pulled him to Karsh's photo exhibit. Faces, faces, faces, and their expressions. Gazing so deeply into their eyes, windows to the soul; their frowns, and wrinkles. Einstein is a genius, Karsh is an artist. And me, I am a fool. (Then the rest was something I wish I could forget.)

Je t'aime

We were crazy, like children introduced to chocolats. And we stood there on top of the picnic table, laughing and screaming until our sides burst and our breaths were thin as paper dolls pinned up to bulletin boards (but we broke free). I don't even remember what we were laughing about, but it was the greatest feeling in the world. "We should record our lives" (I think that is absolutely briliant). If I could document every living moment where I really existed in that moment, in that place in time, I could replay it when all I could feel like was losing myself. "11:11!" I shouted, and then we squeezed our eyes shut and prayed that maybe we'd get our wishes (I wished for him to love). We giggled nonsenses into the gigantic celestial sphere of stars, our voices lost between crackling leaves, ready to turn red and orange for fall. When they get crunched on during autumn, the echoes of our laughter will seep out like water from a sponge (I am sure of it). I believe in the law of attraction. I believe in fate, in sunday sundaes, in eating oranges at 2 am, and in loving you. All I can breathe is your scent between my bedsheets and when I begin to miss you too much, I always pull knotted straw wrappers, hoping you're thinking of me. Believe, believe, believe.

I believe in you.
Please believe in me.

and when life flashes by, you remember the ones you love best

I know I haven't updated in a while. My first day on the east coast flew by faster than my plane ride (which seemed incredibly stretched out). Saturday was my first day going to a frat party(or three). The stars don't twinkle here like they do out by robinson's ranch. And I miss all of the laying out on the grass talking under the shade of trees. So much is going on everything seems to be in such a jumble! Today I went to Natick/Shopper's world which has just about every store in existence there. Sorry to say, I feel so guilty about spending so much money on "useless" clothes like a vest I probably won't be able to wear when winter comes. I want to return it now (I always second guess everything I buy), but I don't know how to get back and it would be dumb just to go back to return it (and spend money on the bus) for no reason at all. I eat so incredibly well here because the dining halls always have more than enough food. I've been getting rediculously full after each meal which means that my freshman fifteen is all the closer :( Still, we're required to take a physical education class here, and for some reason, my dorm is the FURTHEST away from everything on campus. So I tend to walk a lot of trails and stairs; its very beautiful, except at night when it does get a bit scary. I BOUGHT A PAIR OF AMAZING MOCCASINS FOR $18! Hahahha, yeah I just had to throw that out there. Classes start soon, and my stomach is turning, but maybe thats just because its 1 am and I'm hungry. I feel like I should be more careful with my money and not throw it around (I promise I'm looking for bargains when I shop though... like those moccasins, and the pair of jeans were $25 and SUPER cute). Hhahaha I think I'm trying to reassure myself in this post that I didn't spend all of this money in vain. Anyways, I still miss california and my dear friends back at home every moment. I always feel bad though because I'm busy with one event or another lecture or I have to go buy textbooks, but oh wait! I also have to check my mail and check my account and etc etc etc. I'm sorry everyone. Know that I do love you :] Even if I get back to you three days late.

Movies I watched: 27 dresses, pretty in pink, and monalisa smile

Toto, we're not in kansas any more

Boston is so different from home. I miss the warm sun and the palm trees, the smell of seasalt and seagulls. I miss baking at home in a kitchen larger than my dorm room, having my own bathroom, homemade cooking (including yes, korean food). It is beautiful here I must admit with the gorgeous trees and the sun seeping through the leaves like a soaking sponge, but there are things I can't help wish for.

Show me how to laugh again.

the last week in california

The past weeks have been quite wonderful (and sometimes complicated). Anyways, this week, I took care of sheena after hanging out with debs & euge at americana. Nights out with just-friends and sleeping at 3 am. Brunch with luella at mimi's and then shopping around at the new forever 21. I saw chase and emily at sushi (and brandon for only a minute), and I watched the rocker + clonewars with kg. (Teddy geiger is my loveeeee). We had so much fun; I missed him so much. I saw you again and I couldn't stop from holding on to tight, but maybe thats why you can't breathe any more.

Today was one of the best days of summer ever. I had brunch with christine in the valley; she gave me a hand sewn doll named ju-stink-oh (hahaha an inside joke from fifth grade). And then we hung out a bit at her house, catching up on the past year or so. The thing I love about our relationship is that no matter how much time passes by, we seem to pick up right where we leave off, like nothing has changed in the past year. Anyhow, I went to kristen's and we spontaneously decided to go to the farmer's market (cross that off my checklist at last). I bought my mom orchids and we drove back home to drop them off. Then we decided to go to olvera st, but when we hit traffic, we decided that melrose was the better decision since it was wayyy closer (and I was about to kill someone). We walked up and down the street and had the most wonderful time. We once again, spontaneously decided to go to universal city walk to eat at hard rock cafe. Our waiter was rediculously cute, and we spent a large amout of time in the candy shop. Getting lost on the way home (we made some weird circle), we had so much fun just hanging out. This was really a great day (now only if... but thats just wishful thinking).

I'm finally going to be leaving. I'm trying to cram in seeing everyone I possibly can in the next few days since I'm leaving in only three days. It almost seems sureal, like I'm not really leaving, but there are moments when it really hits me and I almost panic because I feel so unprepared (I was much more prepared the last time I went to boston). Wellesley here I come, whether I'm ready or not. (Oh I have such a strange feeling in my stomach).

you know that you need to stop

I feel so entirely pathetic, to let you get to me like that. All I can hope for is that my brain will disconnect from my heart, and my heart from my body. Days pass by so quickly, yet so slowly without seeing you here. (I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself get attached, but how could you not?)

Wednesday the 30th: I went over to luella's to watch a series of unfortunate events. We went over to a. to carwash and spent hours scrubbing the hubcaps. Partying it up at night, I really made a big mistake. It was so much fun, though this week has been full of firsts. Everyone was super nice, and I had fun, but I almost started crying on the way home. Guilty conscience I suppose. (I really did feel bad getting caught).

Thursday the 31st: the girls + jusin went to the getty to picnic and look at pictures and photographs. There was this interesting photography gallery where it was the progression of humanity and how that progression is actually the destruction of humanity. It was some amazing stuff. Then we made masks; I was harry potter, luella was joker, lauren was darth, jusin was just a blank face. We had so much fun just wearing them around. I also forgot that I ate breakfast with luella (she makes a mean tuna melt!). I had to run errands, it was so rediculous.

Friday August 1st: I don't remember much except getting my hair cut and shopping for college stuff. It finally started to hit me that I'm leaving to the east coast; mom and I stood silently in contemplation (I almost started crying in the middle of target). Everything I bought was pink except the towels :) I'm so glad my roommate likes pink. I ate italian with my parents (first time I had dinner with them in a long time). They headed off to church; I headed home. I was feeling a bit lonesome; luella and lauren were going to oxnard and I felt almost lost. Instead, I watched Tristan + Isolde with v & j. It's such a lovely movie and it makes me feel so heartbroken (I'm going to name my son Tristan I swear).

i wish we had an urbanoutfitters

Today was quite a busy day, and also, I am using older pictures since I cannot upload the ones I've taken recently. Today, I had astro obbins with lucy (she treated me because I won a bet we made). I took almost three hours to get ready. We didn't even eat inside br; instead, we went to a nearby parkbench and talked and ate. Then we raced in our cars (vroom vroom) to goodwill where I found a pair of boots that were really warm for when I go to boston and it snows. On the way there, I saw justin's car with his little weener antenna thing, so I called him and we met up at the mall. I drifted around with him and went shopping myself (some jewelry and a vest). I then bought a journal for my dreams and the interpretations of my dreams (my own interpretations with the assistance of other dream guides like freud though I still need to get his book). And on my way home, kristen called me and wanted to go for a coffee. I got to its a grind early and bought a 50/50 (orange juice and white chocolate... its alot more delicious than it sounds), but we ended up going to bj's with a couple of her friends to eat pzookies. All in all, I had a very eventful day though I did miss my gang (and I tried to hang out with them after, but my dad wanted me home... he still doesn't trust me I don't think). I really had fun today, and it was nice seeing all of my friends (all in one day!). Goodnight, I am going to read the amber spyglass tonight, but not too late because I have to get up early.

i grew up too fast, he grew up too slow

Last night, I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning. Daddy took me to work with him, I was famished. We visited my aunt, lines of worry and sadness were etched onto her face. They discussed matters in serious tones. Curious, but confused, I wandered about, finding the cutest pair of argyle socks. Wool coats and winter jackets on racks upon racks surrounded us at burlington coat factory where I found clothes for boston (and a cute pair of steve madden boots). Now I feel ready to face the cold autumn winds, but not yet the icy winter colds of new england. I brought friday some doggy treats; he was more than ecstatic (jumping up to lick my face). Colin was at concerts in the park, so packing a sandwich picnic, everyone headed over to central park. I forgot my book, so I began to draw. I haven't done any productive work in my moleskin for quite some time. We went to barnes & nobles after and I finally have Amelie & Marie Antoinette. Everyone has gone to bed early; only the mice in the attic keep me company. I keep thinking of how tonight was abts; I'm so sad I couldn't go. My heart is heavy with bitterness and regret (the sun is coming up for a new day).

I can't sleep, I can't speak.

If you could have any thing, what would it be?

The power to express myself without any barriers.
I wish I were terribly creative or clever or witty, that I could talk like Elizabeth Bennet or take photographs like Samantha. I wish I had so much more to offer, that my eyes would see beauty in the simple things of life, " to look for things no one else catches."

Kg came over my house and we watched starwars episode six. It was spectacular; Darth is my favorite. We then headed over to lauren's to bake a&v cupcakes (pokemon cupcakes). We ended up watching Amelie, such a beautiful movie. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. I've been playing Comptine D'un Autre Ete from Amelie on repeat and closing my eyes in the dark. I can hear the train whistle through the night (I always try to pass under the bridge when it is going across). I feel so restless, so I've been arranging things in my room, sorting things into piles of things that I will keep here and things I will take with me to Wellesley. Daddy came home from his trip today; it feels like when I was young and he would go off to trips for days on end. He brought me gifts, but I'm a bit sad because he won't allow me to go to abts.

I want to scream "I want to be alive too." Its so hard being left behind.