Do you ever wonder what it's like to be blind?

I dreamed that I was with peter pan, and he took my hand as we flew up. Only, we were on a narrow stage and I had ropes and pullies to make me fly. And I woke up sad that I couldn't believe. I made a mixtape for when I feel like the day has gone all wrong and i want you to be here and kiss me gently on my forehead and say everything will be okay. Two weeks till I dream of California's soft waves and breathe in the warm air. Two weeks till in-and-out, and late night coffee runs, and hugs that last for infinity. But know this: no matter where I go, my heart will stay with you.

"All men have the stars," he answered, "but they are not the same things for different people. For some, who are travelers, the stars are guides. For others they are no more than little lights in the sky. For others, who are scholars, they are problems. For my businessman they were wealth. But all these stars are silent. You-you alone-will have the stars as no one else has them."
-ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPERY, from The Little Prince

the last week in california

The past weeks have been quite wonderful (and sometimes complicated). Anyways, this week, I took care of sheena after hanging out with debs & euge at americana. Nights out with just-friends and sleeping at 3 am. Brunch with luella at mimi's and then shopping around at the new forever 21. I saw chase and emily at sushi (and brandon for only a minute), and I watched the rocker + clonewars with kg. (Teddy geiger is my loveeeee). We had so much fun; I missed him so much. I saw you again and I couldn't stop from holding on to tight, but maybe thats why you can't breathe any more.

Today was one of the best days of summer ever. I had brunch with christine in the valley; she gave me a hand sewn doll named ju-stink-oh (hahaha an inside joke from fifth grade). And then we hung out a bit at her house, catching up on the past year or so. The thing I love about our relationship is that no matter how much time passes by, we seem to pick up right where we leave off, like nothing has changed in the past year. Anyhow, I went to kristen's and we spontaneously decided to go to the farmer's market (cross that off my checklist at last). I bought my mom orchids and we drove back home to drop them off. Then we decided to go to olvera st, but when we hit traffic, we decided that melrose was the better decision since it was wayyy closer (and I was about to kill someone). We walked up and down the street and had the most wonderful time. We once again, spontaneously decided to go to universal city walk to eat at hard rock cafe. Our waiter was rediculously cute, and we spent a large amout of time in the candy shop. Getting lost on the way home (we made some weird circle), we had so much fun just hanging out. This was really a great day (now only if... but thats just wishful thinking).

I'm finally going to be leaving. I'm trying to cram in seeing everyone I possibly can in the next few days since I'm leaving in only three days. It almost seems sureal, like I'm not really leaving, but there are moments when it really hits me and I almost panic because I feel so unprepared (I was much more prepared the last time I went to boston). Wellesley here I come, whether I'm ready or not. (Oh I have such a strange feeling in my stomach).

Is all that we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?

Each day passes by like water through your cupped fingers, slipping faster than you could ever imagine. Time is money (so strange how true that is). I have so many gaps in my memory, I think I'm going to need help filling them in.

Saturday August 2nd: I went to Venice again, but this time with my family. I don't know why today wasn't a good day; I don't really get along with them. We stopped by my cousin's frozen yogurt shop and ate dinner at a brazilian cafe. It was so unfair because everyone else drank delicious drinks without me. I barely even ate (maybe that was a way of rebelling). I just stayed up all night watching gilmore girls to make me feel better.

Sunday, August 3rd: Church. Big whop. Traffic was horrendous. I went over to luella's after a long wasted day, and we sat on a blanket outside to watch stars and talk. It was so peaceful and beautiful, it was almost like out of a movie scene.

Monday, August 4th: I chilled with the gang later at night after I realized most of my day was wasted waiting for my mom. We were supposed to make a music video. At night, I had to leave to chill with others (I really felt so horrible leaving, but I don't think I was dressed for the music video occasion). Kristen & I talked a lot and some rent-a-cops beamed lights at us to make sure we weren't doing anything illegal. A. was being mean.

Tuesday, August 5th: I went to LA with my parents, going shopping mostly in the fashion district. We went to the american apparel factory to buy some nice socks (there was this killer skirt, buy I couldn't find it in my size). After, we went to eat Red Mango and lauren and I danced in front of walgreens to her macbook while a edited the video they had made.

Wednesday, August 6th: a few gilmore girl's episodes + traffic ticket.

Thursday, August 7th: Today was so pointless at first. I had to take colin to registration, but he forgot his forms, so going back home, we ran into a delivery guy. I had to sign for it, but one of the palates broke, so I helped move boxes. After, we rushed back to canyon (there was a rediculous amount of traffic, construction, and red lights). We were too late. What a waste of time and gas. I got to see amylo though and I gave her her birthday present. We sat at her house talking for a while. After, I was going to hang out with d., but what a big surprise; he couldn't. Anyhow, I was able to go with luella & the gang to roland heights because they took two cars. We went to Diamond Plaza and took pictures at Cue! We saw so many cute stickers and stationary, and we got a "free" 6 oz. but what we didn't know was we had to pay for the rest of the weight. We played the shake it mario party game and I exercised because I felt really disgusting. We sang songs on the way home. Today ended pretty great, plus I got "Hero With A Thousand Faces" in the mail today, finally.

i wish we had an urbanoutfitters

Today was quite a busy day, and also, I am using older pictures since I cannot upload the ones I've taken recently. Today, I had astro obbins with lucy (she treated me because I won a bet we made). I took almost three hours to get ready. We didn't even eat inside br; instead, we went to a nearby parkbench and talked and ate. Then we raced in our cars (vroom vroom) to goodwill where I found a pair of boots that were really warm for when I go to boston and it snows. On the way there, I saw justin's car with his little weener antenna thing, so I called him and we met up at the mall. I drifted around with him and went shopping myself (some jewelry and a vest). I then bought a journal for my dreams and the interpretations of my dreams (my own interpretations with the assistance of other dream guides like freud though I still need to get his book). And on my way home, kristen called me and wanted to go for a coffee. I got to its a grind early and bought a 50/50 (orange juice and white chocolate... its alot more delicious than it sounds), but we ended up going to bj's with a couple of her friends to eat pzookies. All in all, I had a very eventful day though I did miss my gang (and I tried to hang out with them after, but my dad wanted me home... he still doesn't trust me I don't think). I really had fun today, and it was nice seeing all of my friends (all in one day!). Goodnight, I am going to read the amber spyglass tonight, but not too late because I have to get up early.

I cant sleep cause it hurts when I think

I slept when the sun came up because I was reading all the new books (and the ones dean lent me). I woke up late after everyone already went to the beach. I have this weird feeling in my tummy, like its an empty black hole. Everything's lined up neatly in a row; I've put Jack Johnson on repeat. Now I wish I could rearrange my molecules into his voice and travel through the airwaves. It hurts so much more now than it did before. The only refuge I can find is the ones you disagree with.

edit:
So this entire day has been a jumble, ups and downs. I went over to eileen's to watch pan's labyrinth; it was such a sad movie. After a mountain of sweets & goldfish, I headed home, but through sheer inspiration, I hopped off at RR. I walked through the entire golf course for an hour, gazing at the beauty. I had never felt so serene and one with nature, with the sky and the leaves, the wind blowing a cool breeze on my face. I came home, a bit distraught after a woman yelled at me and said I was going to get hit in the head with a golfball. When I got home, I was shocked at all of the drama that had been going on. I really just didn't want any drama, especially getting involved in things I don't care about. (Everyone's real mature, aren't we?) Anyways, to ease how upset I was over this entire (d/a) situation, I got malted milkshakes with kristen. And got more mad at certain people in the process. Ah well, I hope this all blows over.

indecisive decisions

The morning sun evaded me again. But despite my late awakening, I had a wonderful time because I went over to kg's to watch starwars episode five. We talked for hours. I missed his laugh, his smile, his hair. The way his hugs always seemed to cover my entire frail body, and his new cast with a poem on the bottom of his foot. It talked about his soon to come leg tan. And then we drank chocolate milk.

Our happiness together was short lived, as I left and joined the gang as we set off on a journey to trader joe's (joe giant toe). Strawberry, green tea, and chocolate mochi passed around our minivan. We laughed about courage the cowardly dog and lauren's favorite episode about the sad dr. zealoust. Kristen then wisked me away (kidnapped really), and we drove to bridgeport with our identical irish cream mocha coffees in our hand. I unloaded all of my burdens, and she hers. I haven't felt so relieved for a long time, I hadn't seen her for a long time.

I have so many bug bites all over my bare back and arms and shoulders (That is what I get for reading outside with the lamp). Tonight I am feeling sad. I am no longer a part of theirs. No its not their fault, its mine, isn't it? Just like you pointed out.

P.S. Feltbunny has been inside my bag this entire journey. I'm very sorry, he must feel neglected.