24 hours.

I spent all day yesterday with him. I woke up pretty late because rhea crashed in our room (her roomie's bf was over), and I slept on the floor. I got on the 11 bus and for a minute, I thought I was on the wrong bus! I saw nick as I got off the bus. He makes me smile unconsiously. We headed over to Beacon St. where we looked at a buncha random stores (especially candy stores). We headed over to the aquarium where I had discounts ($8 compared to $20 woot woot:). We had so much fun, though I sincerely regreted not bringing my camera. We saw so many amazing things like fish that were bigger than me, sea turtles that I could ride on and rainforest frogs from my dream. After, we walked around where there were a bunch of stores and this comic book store where there were tons of cute things like gloomy bear. I bought a mug for kristen and nick bought a ridiculously good orange coconut smoothie. We saw street performers: a hot singer named brian bergeron as well as three british acrobats that were extremely funny. I had fun and we went back to his frat. On the t, we stood together and I held him so close, and my heart, it hurt so badly. We went to a preparty before PBE, and we met up with rhea and anne, alex and jean-paul. I wanted to take a third, but he was worried about me (I wanted to because I was pretty mad at him). We had so much fun at PBE, and I saw jennifer. We went back to nick's frat where there was nothing left except hookah. I was freaking out about rhea because she wasn't feeling good, so I didn't really do much except run around making sure she was okay. I fell asleep in his arms. I had the saddest dream that I can't remember.


Once nick told me when two people's hearts are next to each other, they beat together. My heart felt like that, in sync with his. It felt like his heart, not mine.

I can't feel me anymore.

mondays are the dregs of life.

These are pictures from the toga party I went to on Saturday. It was raining, and I was wearing flipflops, but other than that, it was a blast. So, here is how my miserable monday went:

7:00 am Climb out of bed, disoriented with only 4 hours of sleep.
8:00 am Show up to Campus Po to go to a volunteer event, but no one shows up.
8:20 am Eat Breakfast. Go back to my dorm room. Climb into bed.
11:00 am Wake up, finish psychology reading, then head over to class.
4:00 pm Finally finish french where I was so out of it. Do nothing
5:00 pm Dinner at the Wang, go check mail which contained a postcard.
6:00 pm Yoga class, a bit strenuous, but the last 10 minutes were heaven.
7:44 pm Write this. Waste time and procrastinate doing a shitload of homework.

Yeah, so it turns out the girl that was driving me to my volunteer thing never showed and without any notice. So pretty much, I woke up earlier than I have in more than 4 months or so and ended up not even being able to go to the school to tutor little kindergarteners. I'm so angry. I hate the world right now (sleep deprived).

That's the dark side. The light side is, I reallly can't wait for friday (I'm going to the aquarium with nick :), and I'll also be wearing my new outfit which is the cutest thing ever. The weather matches my mood. Bah.

you know that you need to stop

I feel so entirely pathetic, to let you get to me like that. All I can hope for is that my brain will disconnect from my heart, and my heart from my body. Days pass by so quickly, yet so slowly without seeing you here. (I promised myself that I wouldn't let myself get attached, but how could you not?)

Wednesday the 30th: I went over to luella's to watch a series of unfortunate events. We went over to a. to carwash and spent hours scrubbing the hubcaps. Partying it up at night, I really made a big mistake. It was so much fun, though this week has been full of firsts. Everyone was super nice, and I had fun, but I almost started crying on the way home. Guilty conscience I suppose. (I really did feel bad getting caught).

Thursday the 31st: the girls + jusin went to the getty to picnic and look at pictures and photographs. There was this interesting photography gallery where it was the progression of humanity and how that progression is actually the destruction of humanity. It was some amazing stuff. Then we made masks; I was harry potter, luella was joker, lauren was darth, jusin was just a blank face. We had so much fun just wearing them around. I also forgot that I ate breakfast with luella (she makes a mean tuna melt!). I had to run errands, it was so rediculous.

Friday August 1st: I don't remember much except getting my hair cut and shopping for college stuff. It finally started to hit me that I'm leaving to the east coast; mom and I stood silently in contemplation (I almost started crying in the middle of target). Everything I bought was pink except the towels :) I'm so glad my roommate likes pink. I ate italian with my parents (first time I had dinner with them in a long time). They headed off to church; I headed home. I was feeling a bit lonesome; luella and lauren were going to oxnard and I felt almost lost. Instead, I watched Tristan + Isolde with v & j. It's such a lovely movie and it makes me feel so heartbroken (I'm going to name my son Tristan I swear).

two years is long enough

This weekend was the most fun I had in a long time. Saturday ended up with me partying with my cousins (you wouldn't believe how much fun we had). From homemade guacamole to lost earring backing and broken beer bottles to pooky being drunk (I swear it was philip who did it). It was such a blast; we had a barbecue by the pool and there was endless limes with margaritas. I was hassling eugene so bad; it hurts me to think of it. Philip wore my necklace, my locket. And I wore eugene's yellow shirt. I had the best talk with debs (and us trashing about bosses, and how much she hates hers). I slept over deb's and eunie's with john driving. I couldn't stay awake nomatter how hard I tried. Sunday we missed church, but we ate ramen instead and watched this really dumb movie. I got home and got ready for adeann's debut (we ended up being on time despite how late we were). Awkward conversations, sitting in between fish and kentin. We threw shells at each other and I swear they were going to try to eat the beta fish. Danny was there, and so was eddie and eileen. I didn't do my hair, but i should have brought a hairtie. Dancing all night long was so much fun, even if it was a bit awkward at first. And too many confessions for one night. I've had so many dreams, but I can't remember anything. In fact, I know there is so much I don't remember because everything was such a blur.

This week, I am going to accomplish alot on my summer to do list! I promise. But I'll specify exactly what I'm going to do:
venice beach with the gang (monday)
picnic at the getty (thursday)
get a new haircut?
make more felt dolls (when i'm free)
lemonaide from little kids
lunch with kg (next week)

chill with danny (tuesday)
make chocolate cream pie
send a message in a bottle

s'mores & stargazing (soon)

the irony of getting grounded on independence day

This has been another eventful weekend. Firework sparklers flashing green and red while we gathered around the clown faced firework box on the fourth. Our endless laughter was lost in the bursts of light, booming into the distance. We headed to una's and played games until we could think no more. Thoughtless, I told you how I felt; foolish, you fell for my words. Another embarrassment, shame cast on my face as I woke up, head banging and the memory of your last words.

But life moves on. So the days passed by as quickly as spring rains; we slept in all day until we were sated. I ate, she smoked. We shared a jelly drink and pho. Running errands with coffee in our hands, carwash, stopped by the mall. Aimless wanderings through the town, dying of boredom and seeking anything with excitement, we were disappointed to no end. We headed home where they laid their heads to rest. In the morning, they left before I woke. I slept through the sunrise, and when the hot rays beat on my back, I opened my crusty eyes pushing everyone else away.
I missed church that day, and instead, I read. I read myself senseless, but the book was so beautiful, my heart ached with each twist. I was all alone, and I preferred it that way.

fleamarkets & pour the drinks

yesterday: trip to the flea market without the flea market existing. ending up going to mountasia for fun with lauren's lost coin bag. battle royale and long bunnies. sitting on the sidewalk with foldout chairs and longboards rolling around. movies of jackie chan and jet li. songs that fill my memory and dreams.

today: lunch with dean, and icecream (phish food). walking around the mall, endless talks. looking for clothes, but ending up buying books. music in the car. sad phonecalls. kickback at twigs and bp. she came and wouldn't stop staring at me. all i wanted to do was melt away. he came. we talked alot more than ususal. i drove.