i only pretend to make things simpler.

I haven't been able to get online for the past few days (I'm still waiting for my laptop to be repaired). Its strange; all of my friend's laptops are breaking. Maybe its fate. I really want to go to Love Festival (but I know somehow something is going to prevent me). Anyways, I've been extremely busy, and frankly, I'm dead tired; I just want a nice break from this crazy eventful week.

Thursday: I woke up in the afternoon; headed over to lauren's after baking a batch of chocolate chip cookies. We took pictures, tons and tons of pictures. They were so much fun, being able to take model pictures and just mess around with the shutterspeed and ISO,etc. There were so many cute pictures of lauren and elephants and luella and cookies and milk and so much more. We watched american beauty; it was so sad. I want a boy like Ricky (even though he is a drugdealer). I went home with such a weird feeling in my heart. Here's one of my favorite quotes said by Ricky: "It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it. And this bag was, like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse, I know. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in. "

Friday: Woke up to go to Universal with dean, sean, andrea, and her friend cosby. Honest, I tried my hardest to act normal and be happy, but it was so hard. There were so many things going on in my head and I just had the hardest time talking to anyone. I was just in my own world. We went to citywalk after and ate at bubba gumps (there was a really hott waiter that I missed and yelled when by fate or chance, he walked past when I looked the other way). We were people watching too on the bench outside. He said alines were his weakness; I don't know if I should get one now otherwise it might seem like I'm trying to get him. We came home late; I feigned sleepyness and just looked at the stars looking down on me. Theres and empty hole here; and its aching. So I watched Amelie again because it is so beautiful and it helps me feel better, but I fell asleep before I could finish.

Today, I'm heading over to philip and albert's. They were in my dream last night (a very strange long dream I had). It was like in that book where you're at a party, a surprise party with everyone in the whole world you know there. And they're all there for you; and they're all saying sorry for hurting you and congratulating you, and smiling at you. And he was there; and you were there, and jane was there, too. And I had lost, but it was alright; you said it was only a test, that life is better than that. That I really won by losing. And my grandpa was there too even though he died years ago. He gave me a teacup with a lid. And he spoke to me and taught me a song, but I couldn't catch the words fast enough. He was nothing like he was in real life; no more grumpy cross grandpa, just a loving, forgiving person. He always loved my brother best; and maybe thats why he was there.