I am slipping through,

I got lost today (literally). After brunch with my parents in our breakfast nook, I fell back asleep because I stayed up all night reading The Subtle Knife and listening to slow tunes. I went to church late; they were happy to see me (its been a month since I've gone). Pb & Audrey took me to cpk and to borders to get two journals (one red lined and a plain black moleskine). Fil was there, and sometimes when you see him suddenly, your feel a bit stunned and your heart pounds violently like its trying to rip out of your chest (he is really gorgeous). Then I got all confuzled and went home the wrong way. I'm at luella's now and anthony & jusin are over. They are cutting out pictures from magazines; I shall join them soon. I miss nic so much, I hope that I see him before I leave across the country (only 5 more weeks). Time goes by so fast; I'm really scared on the inside even though I've said I want to leave so badly. I'm just really scared of change and of the unknown, and of missing everything at home. I'm running out of time and of excuses.