And going back won't feel the same if we aren't staying

I can't even begin to explain how strange I feel; like I'm both here and not (more like a ghost). Like I'm someone that knows I am dying, but everyone treats you like you're already dead. How strange it is to know you'll be gone, that everything from this moment forward will be life changing and that when you get back, you can never go back to what was; its a strange feeling of nostalgia for things that have not yet passed. Its a very sad feeling, and what makes it sadder is that I'm both desperate to leave, yet so remorseful to leave behind my entire life. This was something that could not be, and yet it felt so right when you held my head in your chest. I will forget you, but I don't want to. With all my heart I want to live with you running through my mind, with you breathing through my lungs. I don't want to forget everything here, but I will.